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Are you bored in your relationship? If so, there is no shortage of advice on the internet for how to combat it (from Boredom Busters to Spicy Sex Tips for Bored Couples). The overwhelming advice on the internet is to simply spice things up when bored – and such advice includes a broad definition of “spicy” (e.g., board game night—oy!; creating a date jar; cooking class; laser tag; and a whole new repertoire of bedroom moves). What do relationship scientists say?

Studies have shown that women place greater importance on kissing than do men. Females are more likely to use kissing “…as a means of initiating, maintaining, and monitoring the current status of their relationship with a long-term partner.”1 Women are also more likely to judge how committed a partner is based on the way he or she kisses.1 Whereas some studies show that females desire kissing more than men,2 others show that desire to engage in kissing behavior for men and women is the same.3

In decades past, “dating” was the primary way people developed relationships – people would get a feel for each other and, if things felt right, they would eventually engage in physical intimacy. Recent research, however, suggests the sequencing of sex in a new relationship has changed. Sex has begun to function as a screening device that people use to determine if a relationship is worth perusing. In fact, research shows that over the past 30 years, the amount of time between first date and first sexual encounter has decreased steadily1. Because sex is such an important element of relationships this leads researchers to reconsider what constitutes “normal” relational development.

Enter the friends with benefits relationship (FWBR). If you’re under the age of 25 and you’re reading this you may be thinking ‘nobody does FWBRs anymore, that’s what our parents did.’ Before you judge, consider the following study conducted by Mongeau and his colleagues2. They had a feeling that FWBRs were not as simple as people think they are. In fact, the researchers let their participants (in this case, college students) define what a FWBR is. The results revealed that FWBRs do not represent one type of relationship – they represent seven (see the Table below for types and descriptions).

Did you have a Tamagotchi as a child, or have you played a similar game where you had to take care of a pet or person (e.g., Nintendogs)? Did you invest a lot of time taking care of it? I know I did. I also had pretty positive feelings towards my Tamagotchi and Nintendog (a cute corgi). Interestingly, it’s possible that how I felt towards my virtual pets related to how I felt towards others in the non-virtual world.1 While reading a recent, currently free to access, issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, I learned that there’s a computer program that you can play to try your hand at being a parent. The child is born and ages like a non-virtual child, but does so at a rapid rate. The choices that you make for it are irreversible. Researchers wanted to know if people’s feelings towards a “virtual child” were related to comfort with getting close to others in real life.

Relationships have their ups and downs. In many cases, people in relationships experience periods of enduring happiness, and also find themselves going through times that leave them feeling like their personal or relationship health could be improved. But to where does one turn when in need of a personal or relational boost? Research suggests one might pull out a pen and paper to write about their relationship. 

Several published reports indicate that expressive writing is a useful tool for mental, physical, and relational health management.

Obviously, whether or not someone is a good kisser is important. But how important is it? Researchers have hypothesized that subjects who were told that a potential partner was a “good kisser” would find the potential partner as more attractive and would be more likely to pursue future dates with said partner than someone who was described as a “bad kisser.”1 In addition, the researchers expected that subjects would be more interested in having casual sex with this person and would be more likely to consider a long-term relationship, especially for women. So they clearly thought kissing is very important.

The way people tell stories about their relationships says a lot about them and their relationships. For example, the pronouns that people use when telling their stories can reveal their relationship’s stability: People who are more committed tend to talk about “us,” whereas people who are less committed tend to talk about “me” (see here for more).1 People who write about important events in their relationships and end the story positively (e.g., “We went through a rough patch, but now we’re stronger than ever!”) have better mental health, less depression, greater relationship satisfaction, feel closer to their partners, and are less likely to experience a breakup within 1 year than people who end their story negatively (e.g., “We went through a rough patch and things are still a bit shaky”).

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