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We weren’t technically dating — but that doesn’t matter. You knew how I felt about you. You knew you were leading me to believe you felt the same way. You knew flirting with someone else in front of me was going to completely and utterly destroy me. And you did it anyway.

You did it, even though I was right there next to you. You did it, even though you knew it would hurt me. You did it, even though you knew it was wrong.

You only cared about yourself. You cared about your ego. You cared about how many girls you could trick into liking you at once. You cared about looking macho, looking cool, getting your horniness out of your system. You didn’t care about me. You didn’t consider the way your actions were slowly eating away at my self-confidence.

The worst part is, I let you get away with how horribly you treated me. I let you apologize. I let you bullshit your way back into my heart. I should have stood my ground, called you out on being disrespectful, and refused to waste any more of my time with you. But I chose to stay. I chose to give you another chance, and another, and another.

I realize it’s partially my own fault, but fuck you for making me feel like nothing. Fuck you for making me wonder whether you liked some other girl more than me, whether you would rather have her, whether there was something I lacked that she had, or whether we were all interchangeable to you.

I wish I would have walked away from you the first time you flirted with someone else right in front of my face — but I went in the complete opposite direction. I tried my hardest to capture your attention. I spent hours on my hair, my makeup, my eyebrows. I wore clothes based on what I thought you would like best. I did everything I could to get you to like me, to chose me, to prefer me.

Fuck you for making me feel like I was stuck in some kind of competition — and was losing. Fuck you for making me fight for your attention, for making me feel like I was doing something wrong, for making me question my own value. Fuck you for using my feelings against me. Just because you knew you could get away with treating me like shit and I would stay, didn’t mean you had to actually do it.

I wish you would have handled the situation differently — but I wish I handled it differently too. I wish I hadn’t let you get away with treating me like a backup plan. I wish I would have called you out. I wish I would have stood up for myself. I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on someone who refused to commit to me, even though I did everything in my power to make you see my inner worth. TC mark

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/screw-you-for-flirting-with-other-girls-in-front-of-me/

I’m a French girl, born and raised. I first came to the U.S. when I was 21 to be an au pair. The first thing I did when I arrived was attend a 3-day conference with a group of au pairs from all over the world. The goal was to prepare us for the culture shock we’d soon be experiencing, and also to educate us about the differences in parenting styles among countries.

After 3 days of hearing about how Americans parent their kids, I gathered that in America, children were often treated like little kings and queens. Having grown up in France, all I knew was the French way. French parents tend to have more of a “children need to sit down and listen” type of mindset. You don’t listen? You’re sent to timeout or straight to bed, even skipping dinner sometimes. You make a mess? You clean it up. You draw on the wall? You get a sponge and you scrub. You fall? If there’s no blood, you get up and stop whining about it. I’d say that French parents tend to have a lower tolerance for tantrums and kids’ bossy behaviors. In short, they’re more strict.

French children are also taught manners from a very young age. I remember my mom teaching me how to answer the phone for her: “Hello, my name is Eileen, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?” There was an emphasis on “bonjour madame,” “s’il vous plait (please),” and “merci beaucoup.” I recall thinking that there was almost an unofficial competition between parents for which child was the most well-behaved. And maybe most importantly, any tactic to teach a child manners was fair-game.

While in the United States, parents will often try to understand the cause for their children’s behaviors, in France if a kid is misbehaving, there will be an immediate consequence. My parents would shoot “Ça suffit!” (“That’s enough!”) at me if I was out of line. There was no calmly talking to me. My parents weren’t the exception though. This is very French.

Now that I’m a mom myself living in the United States, I don’t follow the French parenting style. My oldest son is severely autistic and my parenting journey with him is different from everything I’d imagined. He’s six and still doesn’t have a way to communicate, so teaching him manners is far down my list of concerns. With my younger son, I’m laid back and he seems to be developing independence and good manners anyway. I’m also more in tune, I think, with how he feels than French people would tend to be. French parenting can be a bit rigid and harsh.

I believe there’s a balance to be found between the French and the American way. We want to raise polite kids but we also don’t want to suppress our kids’ feelings. Whereas the French would adopt the approach of “kids need to listen to their parents at all times because they’re just kids,” I now think it’s important to let children express their feelings, and give them a chance to stop misbehaving before jumping to punishment. Maybe I’m a “1, 2, 3” mom although I was raised to be a “Stop it now” mom. And sometimes, I must admit, I like treating my little one as if he were a king. Some days he deserves it!

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/eileen-lamb/2019/06/why-i-said-goodbye-to-the-french-be-quiet-and-mind-your-manners-method-of-parenting/

Don’t get back together with an ex if you’re holding a grudge. Your relationship is never going to last if you keep bringing up old arguments you had the first time you were dating. You can sit down and discuss your old problems once, maybe even twice, in order to get your feelings out in the open — but harping on the mistakes they made years ago (that you have supposedly forgiven them for) isn’t going to do you any good. It’s only going to push you further and further apart.

If what they’ve done to you is unforgivable, if you aren’t able to get over the way they hurt you in the past, then you never should have gotten back together with them in the first place. You should have found someone new instead of reopening old wounds. You should have left your past in the past and moved onto a brighter future.

You really shouldn’t get back together with an ex if you’re going to hold their mistakes over their head, if you’re expecting them to do 99 percent of the work in your relationship in order to make up for what happened the last time you were dating. If you aren’t able to trust each other, to forgive each other, to start anew with each other, then resentments are going to build. Your history is going to unravel your love story.

Make sure you think through what you’re doing before deciding to get back together with an ex. Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together. Just because you miss each other doesn’t mean you’re supposed to start texting again. Sometimes, people who hurt each other are better off apart than trying to rebuild. Sometimes, you’re not meant to give your failed relationship a second chance.

The most important thing is to know what you can handle. Can you handle handing your heart to this person again after they broke it the last time? Are you going to be able to trust what they’re saying to you is the truth, even though they had a history of lying to you in the past? Are you going to be able to give this person what they need — and do you genuinely believe they’ll be able to give you what you need?

When you’re dealing with an ex, you have to be careful because you don’t want them to break your heart a second time. You don’t want to walk right back into a toxic situation you were smart enough to leave years ago. You don’t want to waste time with the wrong person when you could be out searching for the right person.

Make sure to listen to your head as much as your heart. Don’t get back together with an ex unless you can forget the past. If you’re still upset about the mistakes they made the first time you were dating, if you can’t trust them anymore after what they put you through, then your relationship isn’t going to work any better the second time around. You’re better off staying apart. You’re better off looking elsewhere for love. TC mark

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/dont-get-back-together-with-an-ex-unless-you-can-forget-the-past/


He’s not going to make you orgasm.


He still isn’t over his ex.


He’s not going to call you tomorrow.


His mixed signals are only going to get worse after sleeping with you.


His own pleasure is the only thing that matters to him.


He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing in the bedroom.


You’ll have a better time touching yourself.


He isn’t looking for anything serious.


He’s only going to use you for a night.


He’s going to ghost you as soon as you leave his bed.


He’s not going to help you get over your ex.


You’re not the only girl he’s been texting. TC mark

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2019/06/why-having-sex-with-him-is-a-stupid-idea-based-on-his-zodiac-sign/

1. You will never be good enough for yourself when your goal is to be good enough for someone else.

2. Those who have no intention of seeing your worth will not see it, no matter how much mental and emotional gymnastics you do to try to convince them.

3. The measure by which you are determining your enough-ness is probably skewed.

4. You’re paying attention to what you aren’t more than what you are.

5. Maybe the problem is that you’re not recognizing and appreciating how far you’ve actually come.

6. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, some are more pronounced than others.

7. You have failed in some ways, and that is OK.

8. You are imperfect in some ways, and that is OK.

9. If the only way you see yourself is through the lens of what you still have to fix, you will never be at peace.

10. If you are trying to hold onto expired ideals, the body of your high school years, the carelessness of your college years, the freshness of a brand new relationship… you are setting yourself up to fail.

11. If your self-worth keeps shifting based on who you spend time with, maybe it’s time to stop only seeing yourself through other people’s eyes.

12. The untrained mind will always wander to what’s potentially wrong, this is something you have to work on, and adjust.

13. Low self-esteem is just as much a result of not challenging oneself as it is holding oneself to unrealistic standards; the two tend to happen at once.

14. Confidence is built from the outside in.

15. If you really want to heal this, you are going to have to go out in the world and actually prove to yourself that you are capable and loved.

16. You’re a smart person, and you’re not going to fall for a vague notion of unconditional love for yourself when you have nothing to back it up.

17. Sometimes the most profound way you can love yourself is by calling yourself out on where you still need to change and grow.

18. Sometimes the problem is just that those who didn’t see your worth trained you to ignore it, too, in an effort to earn their love.

19. What if your goal was to earn your own love instead?

20. You are absolutely never going to feel good enough if you are trying to master something that you are not here to master.

21. You are absolutely never going to feel good enough if you stay stuck in a relationship you are not meant to be in.

22. You are absolutely never going to feel good enough if you keep trying to do things you don’t actually want to do.

23. To truly discover your self-worth, you have to unearth your unique talents, the gifts you have to offer yourself, and then the world.

24. Unreasonably high self-esteem and unreasonably low self-esteem are the same thing.

25. The goal isn’t to be obsessed with yourself, it’s to come to a place of neutrality.

26. You did this naturally when you were a child, try to remember how you felt about yourself then.

27. If you are uncomfortable, it means that there is still growth for you to do.

28. Sometimes, that growth is a shift in your perspective, or your perception.

29. Maybe you don’t need to change the way you look, or how much money you make, or what work you do.

30. Maybe the real game-changer is going to be the moment you appreciate what you already do and already have.

31. Maybe the moment everything changes for you is the moment you decide to stop being someone else’s ideal, and figure out what yours is.

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2019/06/31-one-sentence-reminders-for-when-you-are-feeling-like-youre-not-quite-enough/

You’re not unlovable. You’re not unlikable. You’re not incapable of forming genuine human connections.

You might have a hard time socializing and meeting new people and feeling comfortable alone with them, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay single. It doesn’t mean you have to accept your loneliness as a constant part of your world. You can end up in a serious stable relationship, just like anybody else.

When you have anxiety, you might struggle when it comes to dating games, but you’ll get through it. You might rewrite texts ten times before hitting that send button, but that’s okay. You might turn down dates at loud, crowded public places, but that’s okay. You can find someone who understands your anxiety, someone who doesn’t mind if it takes you a half-hour to text back and that you prefer afternoon coffee shop dates to midnight bar hopping.

You don’t have to stay single just because you have anxiety. You don’t have to let your insecurities and overthinking get in the way of your love life. You can find someone who is patient, calm, and understanding. You can find someone who won’t pressure you to meet his parents too early or climb onto a stage and sing karaoke.

Your anxiety might make it more time-consuming to get ready for dates and find parking at restaurants and figure out conversation topics — but you can get through it. You can handle the pressure. Your anxiety shouldn’t stop you from looking for love. It shouldn’t convince you to accept your single status.

If you’re happy alone, there’s nothing wrong with staying single. You can live a happy, fulfilled, successful life on your own. But if you find someone worth dating, someone who you have your heart set on pursuing, don’t let your anxiety get in the way. Don’t let yourself believe you aren’t smart enough, sexy enough, suave enough for a relationship.

You might be too nervous to lean in for a first kiss, but you can still drop hints you like them. You might be too nervous to ask them on an official date, but you can still invite them out with friends. You can figure out a flirting method that works for you.

Even though your anxiety does a good job of convincing you not to bother trying, you have to remember your anxiety isn’t going to chase the right person away. It isn’t going to be a deal-breaker. It’s just going to be a part of you they accept, just like every other part of you.

If you’ve been miserable on your own and want to open up your heart to love, then stop letting your anxiety convince you no one will ever fall for you. It doesn’t matter that your cheeks get red when you talk to people. It doesn’t matter that you stutter over sentences. It doesn’t matter that you coop yourself away some nights because you’re too sick to socialize.

You can still enter a serious, stable relationship. You can still find your happily ever after. TC mark

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/06/you-dont-have-to-stay-single-just-because-you-have-anxiety/

1. Gain financial clarity. Make a spreadsheet of your debts, and expenses. List them from least to greatest, and start paying them off in a snowball. Open a new savings account, contribute to it regularly. The goal should be 3-6 months of living expenses covered.

2. Purge your wardrobe. Any clothes that suit the person you used to be are not going to work any longer. Sell them, donate them, invest in a few staples that make you feel like the person you want to become. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t accomplish this in just one shopping trip. You’re going to have to really search, and really take your time with sizes, fabrics, and styles.

3. Learn to cook one to three meals from scratch. It has to be dishes you genuinely like, otherwise, you won’t feel motivated to do it. Memorize the steps, and the ingredients needed. It’s not only healthier for you, it’s better for your wallet, and connecting with friends and family over a dinner you made as opposed to one you eat out together has a special kind of magic that’s hard to replicate.

4. Secure the URL to your personal website, and at the bare minimum, create a landing page with your photo and a brief bio. Get a professional headshot, and write a personal mission statement. You should have a paragraph that sums up your work experience that you can communicate to others, and one that sums up your goals and long-term ambitions, so you have clarity yourself.

5. Get serious about making big moves. If you are unhappy in the city you’re in, in the apartment you have, and so on, now is the time to begin strategizing how you’re going to change it. Research the place you want to live, where you could go, what you could do for work. Start devising a plan. If you don’t do it now, it will only get more challenging to uproot as the years go on.

6. Clear out your social media accounts. This applies to both who you follow and what you’ve posted. If your feed does not make you feel inspired and positive, you are following the wrong people. If you wouldn’t want your future children seeing what you’ve posted, it shouldn’t be up there.

7. Figure out what you love to do when you’re on your own. Maybe it’s shopping for vintage clothes, maybe it’s taking day trips to a beach or hike, maybe it’s just sitting in, getting cozy, and watching movies. Whatever it is, embrace it. Befriend yourself. Learn to spend time on your own.

8. Work on clear communication, even if it is uncomfortable. You are never going to have the relationships you want, or the boundaries you need, if you aren’t able to very explicitly tell people what you need and do not need, what you will and will not do. Of course, being a good communicator means expressing these things without being crass, rude, or offensive. It takes practice.

9. Pick out your signature scent, nail polish color, makeup routine, and “uniform” outfit. The more consistent you are in the things that make you feel the most you, the more comfortable you’re going to be in your own skin.

10. Let go of trying to be someone else’s best self. Your best friend who bought those awesome jeans you love? You don’t also need those exact jeans. You need clothes that make you look and feel amazing. Your acquaintance who started a creative business you admire? You don’t need to do that exact work, you need to figure out what business you could start that would help you capitalize on what you are good at.

11. Work on shifting your conversations with people to be wholly positive, if not neutral. If you spend all of your time with others being hateful toward others, their choices, their ideas, and so on, you are going to end up in toxic, draining relationships.

12. Develop a basic skincare routine. Absolutely everyone needs to cleanse, exfoliate, and apply SPF. There are no exceptions to this.

13. Learn how to make your home a more relaxing, inviting place to be. If you’re able, invest in a small air conditioner, or diffuse essential oils, make a commitment to keeping surfaces clean, or fresh linens on the bed. Whatever it is that is going to make your space consistently a nicer place to be is something you should be doing.

14. Read, but don’t worry about reading two dozen books for the sake of it. Instead, choose one, or maybe two, that deeply resonate with you, and that you are really gaining a lot of insight from. Work through them for as long as you need, an entire year perhaps, and completely absorb and think about everything you’re reading. Then read it again. It is more worthwhile to read one book thoroughly than 24 of them halfheartedly.

15. Follow and subscribe to digital work that makes you think and feel better. This could be online magazines, social media accounts, or whatever else. You should curate your feeds to be fueling the best possible version of yourself.

16. Begin a breath work routine. If a full-on meditation is too much for you right now, download an app like Pulse, which helps you move through breath work for just a few seconds. This will help you begin to work with yourself, in a way that’s really approachable and easy. Over time, you can graduate to longer sessions, or other forms of meditation, if you like.

17. Forget trying to love yourself, and instead adopt an attitude of body and self neutrality. Accept that you may not always like yourself, and that is OK. Instead of berating yourself for not being overtly positive about your self-image, come to a place of neutrality where you can pass by a mirror and not have to evaluate every part of yourself for better and for worse. In this, you can commit to respecting yourself completely. You do not have to like yourself to treat yourself well.

18. Get a journal and start blueprinting the life you want. Draw it out, write it out. The relationships, money, work you want. So what if it’s a pipe dream? You need to be at least willing to get yourself into the mindset of what you’d like to achieve, otherwise it’s completely impossible.

19. Make more time for the people that matter. The quality of your relationships is the quality of your life.

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2019/06/19-things-you-can-do-in-the-next-year-that-can-change-the-entire-course-of-your-life/

Healing is ugly. Healing is painful. There’s no other way to put it. Healing means confronting a heartbreak, head on, and feeling the pain and the agony all over again. It means reliving a heartbreak, essentially pouring vinegar in the wounds. It means actually acknowledging the hurt and feeling the hurt, rather than pushing it away with food, alcohol, or running. Healing means continuing to show up for your life, even when you are on the verge of a melt down, and even when you miss the person who means the very most to you. It means putting on a brave face, doing your hair and makeup and dressing presentably, even when you are overcome with the feeling of missing that person. Even when you are grieving. Even when you are an anxious wreck. Healing results in long sleepless nights, bad dreams, and many, many tearful breakdowns in your car. It means facing all of the numbness and all of the pain, all on your own.

And because of this, it makes sense that we are so afraid to heal. We are afraid to heal because healing is a solo journey. Healing is a quiet, undercover experience. We are supposed to heal while we also continue to live. You see, when you heal, you have to grieve a significant loss without your person by our side. Without your person there to wipe away your tears and to tell you that everything is going to be okay. Healing means constantly climbing uphill, constantly putting in extra effort and energy to do the things that used to come second nature to you. It means making small talk with your coworkers without breaking down. Without showing your emotions. It means offering fake smiles and empty laughs. It means trying not to press the send button on that long emotional draft saved in your phone, spilling all of your feelings and questions and thoughts. It means not reaching out, even when every fiber of your being wants to send that text. Healing means continuing to take baby steps forward, even when you feel like your world is crumbling down and your heart is breaking again and again, every single day. And healing means facing all of this pain without knowing when you will find relief. It’s like climbing a mountain, all on your own, without knowing when the peak will come into view. And this is what makes healing so terrifying.

But despite how scary healing can be, and how awful it can feel, please, try not to be so afraid. Try not to be so fearful of getting better. I know you are afraid that getting better means acknowledging and accepting that they are gone, and I know this feels overwhelming to you. It makes the loss real. And I know you’re not ready for it to be real. You don’t want to get over them. You don’t want to know a life without them, or to know what it feels like to be alone. I know how terrified you may feel. But I want you to know that you will get better, and that you absolutely deserve to get better. You deserve to live a life without them, because in the end, they weren’t meant for you. In the end, something was not right. And you deserve for something (and everything) to be right. You are destined for so much more than this heartbroken feeling. You are destined for a life full of the right kind of love; the best kind of love.

So please know that I understand why you are afraid. It’s okay to be afraid. I know this heartbreak is quite possibly one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through. But believe me when I say that one day you will get better. The pit in your stomach will go away. The emptiness will become full again. The brokenness will mend in time. And life will be even more beautiful than it was prior to this heartbreak. You’ll find a kind of love, from yourself or from someone else, that is the right kind of love. A better kind of love. And you’ll find a life that is better for you. One day you’ll actually be stronger and fuller not in spite of, but because of this loss. Take it easy, and mourn the loss, but also make space in your life for goodness. Make space in your life for things to get better. Make space in your life for you to grow in new directions. I know that healing feels rocky and ugly right now, but healing is a beautiful thing. Healing means filling in the broken spaces with gold. Healing means finding happiness in a place that used to only feel empty. Healing means making peace with something hard, and finding the strength within you to move on, to move forward. Healing means acknowledging the beauty that someone brought into your life, but understanding that so much more beauty is still coming for you, just perhaps in a different way than you expected. Healing is good. Healing is positive. Healing is remarkably beautiful. So please, don’t be so afraid to heal. Feel the feelings, face the heartbreak, and know that you are stronger than you think you are.

And when you are healing, know that it’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to admit you wish they were here with you. And it’s more than okay to be sad. It’s more than okay to cry big ugly tears. You lost someone you thought you would never lose. You lost someone who you expected to be a part of your forever story. And a loss that great deserves tears. It deserves heartbreak. It deserves sadness. But it doesn’t deserve you grieving forever. It doesn’t deserve tears everyday for the rest of your life.

You deserve to heal. You deserve to get better. You deserve to know what it feels like to miss them, but to also be okay with missing them. You deserve to continue to grow and to become the best version of yourself, even if, especially if, you are all on your own. You deserve to feel strong and brave and courageous. You deserve to fall back in love with who you are. I know that some days you won’t feel so brave or so ready to heal. You won’t feel prepared to face the pain. On these days, know that it’s okay to take it slow. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to heal softly and slowly. Watch your favorite movie, take a car ride at night with your windows down and listen to Drops of Jupiter. Call your sister or your best friend or your mom and cry to them about how much you miss them. Spill your heart out in your journal. Eat caramel filled chocolates or drink hot chocolate. Just don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t try to heal on any given timeline. And don’t beat yourself up if you still feel heartbroken weeks or months in. You are not any weaker for taking time to heal.

And know that there’s not a fixed point at which you get “better.” There may not be a morning where you wake up and when you are completely “okay” again. There’s not a moment when you feel like you are done healing, and when you are finally “fixed.” Healing happens in a long series of moments. Little victories, little baby steps along the way. A series of little wins in which you see a glimmer of lightness in the dark. A series of moments in which you forget completely about your broken heart and just feel alive and present. A series of moments in which you feel like crying, and then remember that maybe you are okay, that you are safe, after all. Healing will happen in all of these very little, but meaningful, moments. And occasionally, you will take one step backwards. It’s okay. Because I know you will then take two steps forward.

In time you’ll start to appreciate the things you used to love again, the things that you have overlooked for far too long. You’ll start to remember what happiness felt like, and you’ll start to feel little pangs of joy once again. You’ll cook pancakes for breakfast, and you’ll enjoy your coffee all on your own, without taking a trip down memory lane when you see the mug they always used to use. You’ll be able to go to your favorite cafe and read a book, without giving all of your attention to your broken heart. You’ll be able to talk to your friends and actually give them a real smile, rather than a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. You’ll be able to think about the person you lost, without crying. You’ll remember what it feels like to be okay with being on your own and you’ll remember how special life can still feel. And you’ll finally have hope that things are getting better. And somewhere along the way, you’ll begin to find peace with missing them. And then one day you’ll find that you’ve been smiling more than you’ve been crying. You’ll realize that you haven’t thought about them all day. You’ll catch yourself laughing and realize how long it has been since you’ve heard that sweet sound. And you’ll get a feeling deep down in your gut that maybe, after all this time, you are actually going to be okay.

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/colleen-george/2019/06/read-this-if-you-are-afraid-of-healing/

Texting and calling you all the time.

In the beginning of every relationship, there’s a lot of communication; you want to know each other, find out about them, be connected while not together, and, naturally, missing the other person and wanting to spend time with them. If you can’t do that the moment you need, the next best is to call or text them. Nothing’s wrong with that. The problem starts when the other person starts creeping you out “why didn’t you pick up?” and “pick up now!” and complains if you don’t text back immediately. They get annoyed that you are not responding to their calls and texts, take it personally and this sweet thing that’s supposed to be passionate communication becomes a burden for you.

Keeping track of you 24/7 and asking you about your whereabouts.

Obviously, it doesn’t start like that. In the beginning, it’s even cute, when they need to be in touch with you, talk to you, feel you, tell you how much they love you. It’s an extension of the calling/texting you all the time need. But in this case, the other person becomes your shadow. They demand to know your whereabouts, who you met, what you said, how you felt, everything. You cannot be vague about things. You need to report back to them with full detail. All in the name of love. But when there’s love, trust, and respect -and these are all necessary ingredients for a healthy relationship- then there’s no need to track your partner down.

Wanting to spend time exclusively with you- doesn’t want to meet your friends doesn’t introduce you to his/her friends.

You hit it off, you have a good time together and it’s fun spending time the two of you. Then comes a time in a relationship when you feel ready to introduce the other person to your friends and be introduced to their crowd. But somehow this moment doesn’t happen. They either make excuses “I really want to be with you” and “why bother?” and they stay away from your or their friends. It’s like the two of you living on a deserted island; you know there’s life someplace out there, but you don’t seem able to reach it. And what started out like fun and exciting becomes restricting and suffocating. In a healthy relationship, there’s alone time for the couple but there’s also socializing, meeting each other’s friends, and having a good time as a group.

Pressuring you to tell them all about you- even the stuff you ‘d rather not.

Part of any healthy relationship is communicating with each other, revealing things about yourself, listening to what the other person has to say, getting to know and appreciate each other. But it’s becoming problematic when the other person starts pressuring you to say more about your family, your past, your ex-partners, your love life, your secrets when you are not ready or willing to do it. This is a form of pressure that can easily get to emotional abuse when they threaten to leave you because you don’t reveal as much as they want to know about you. It gets even worse when the other person starts using your secrets to pressure or threaten you.

Telling you that no one will ever love you like s/he does.

Another red flag! Show, don’t tell should be the golden standard when it comes to “proving” love. If the other person truly and genuinely loves you and cares about you, there’s no need to make grandiose statements. You can figure that much out from their behavior. The issue is with their behavior! The “nobody will ever love you the way I do” is often a statement they say after they have messed up, after a fight or an episode of not treating you well. The underlying meaning of this supposed loved statement is “that’s what you deserve and don’t ask for more or better.” It’s basically a way for the other person to cover their butt and persuade you that what you get is plenty.

Always saying “sorry” and asking for a second chance.

They flip for whatever reason, usually small and insignificant, they hurt your feelings and then they try to make up by saying “sorry,” reassuring you they love you so much, that in fact, they know that nobody will ever love you the way they do. And they ask for a second chance. And a third. And so on. You lost count. They insist on a fresh chance and they reassure you that this won’t happen. Ever again. Sure enough, it does. They flip, you have a fight, they come back begging you for a second chance. You give in and the pattern continues.

Watching closely and trying to monitor your social media life.

You follow each other on social media. Soon you realize it’s becoming more than that. They demand to know why you chose to post this versus that photo. Why you made this specific comment, or who was the person who commented on your post with so many heart emojis. They suggest what you share on your social media. They ask that you share passwords on your social media. It all feels uncomfortable and pressuring. Because that’s what it is. When you lose your basic freedom of speech and personal expression out of fear your significant other will be disappointed or even mad at you, then there’s a problem.

They always suggest things “for your own good.”

Is there anything better than a romantic partner who cares so much about you that they suggest what’s good for you and gently push you in that direction? Actually, yes, there’s something better than that! When your partner respects you, trusts your choices and believes that your decisions are for the best. Because when they try to push you in a direction you don’t want to go or when they disagree with your choices or tell you constantly what you need to learn to do better that’s not out of love or concern; it’s outright their way to control you.

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/liza-varvogli/2019/06/8-signs-that-look-like-love-but-actually-scream-manipulation/

1. I do not know what they pump through the vents in airports but without fail anytime I have to sit in one for any extended period of time (which is often, because I always think security will take 2 hours and it never does) I get very sad and very nostalgic. Someone should write a poetry book about sad girls in airports because omg, you would sell 10,000 copies. Anyway. So I’m sitting at a seafood restaurant at LAX and all I can think about is how excited I am to be home but how much I love the people in my life and it’s painful that those two things can’t simultaneously be in the same place. My friendships look like a map of someone bragging about where they’ve traveled to. New York, Minnesota, Virginia, Toronto, LA, Portland, Texas, Arizona, etc. More and more I think I would be exponentially happy living commune style so long as I was surrounded by my weird, wonderful friends. We could eat dinners family style ideally at an outdoor table and always be able to be around each other. This is probably a blessing, feeling this way. There is probably a famous quote said by like, Rumi or some shit about what a blessing it is to have friends that you miss like this. I am a lucky person to have people I treasure so much that not being able to be around them at a moment’s notice makes me moody at an airport eatery.

2. For a very very very very Very™ long time, I believed that feelings were not for me. That emotions were for ugly people, as Willam Belli once said. If I’m being truly honest, I think I thought they were synonymous with weakness. That a feeling was a crack in a foundation and too many of them would result in inevitable collapse. I believed if someone knew I cared about them, or that I was in pain, or that something made me happy, those were things that could then be turned against me in some way. I was the queen of bury it down. Squash it all the way down and bury it so deep that no one can touch it, no one can see it, no one can identify the cracks.

I’m trying to forgive myself for the cracks. I’m trying to remember that if there is strength in being able to move on from your breaks, there is also some strength in allowing yourself to break in the first place.

I am trying to be more open. Because the cracks, I think, are important. I am trying to soften myself. I am trying to be gentler and say what I mean and tell people the things that I feel. I used to think that by being stoic and this immovable force I would be the strongest, most unfuckwithable version of myself. But more and more I am learning there is a lot of bravery in being open. In saying, “This hurt me,” or, “I love this,” or, “I need this.” That level of vulnerability takes a lot boldness, a lot of bravery. And that different kind of strength is something I admire a lot and am training myself to be okay with.

3. This is not new information for most people, but I would love to write a book called The Life-Changing Magic Of Just Eating At Home. There’s something really wonderful about roasting broccoli and just eating it in a bowl at your house. It really does wonders, trust me.

4. This video is the best thing on the internet currently and I just have to share it.

She decided to jump. Smh pic.twitter.com/269CVKgYBo

— Unruly Kyle (@unrulyceo1) June 15, 2019

I would pay a significant amount of money to be able to know what dogs think. What was she thinking?! What ran through her tiny mind before she jumped?! Ugh. One of the greatest unsolved mysteries of all time, truly.

5. The logical side of my brain knows that everything ends. Nothing is permanent. All of us are just little organ sacks bumbling around and eventually, we or the planet or both will be gone. I know that one of these days we’ll all be dead so none of this matters, I do. I am not someone who feels like I need to be on some endless search for meaning or permanency. If no one remembers me in 100 years, well, that just means I was like most people and that’s fine.

But I have lately been obsessed with the notion of not going out wondering whether or not I could’ve done more. Whether or not I could’ve scritched my dog one more time. Walked her just a little bit longer. Let her run through the park just one more time. I’ve been thinking about how I don’t want us to always sleep with our backs to each other. We should hold each other just one more time. Let’s laugh one more time, make one more inside joke, say one more ridiculous thing that no one else would find funny. I’ve been mulling over how stupid it is to think, “ehh I’ll just give her space” when someone is hurting and how I’ll regret it if I could’ve reached out. One more, don’t let it be a last regret, more more more is playing on repeat in my head like a that P!nk CD that got stuck in my car in high school.

I was listening to a podcast last week and it said that all of our fears can be linked back to a fear of death. So a fear of heights is really a fear of falling, fear of water is a fear of drowning, fear of driving is a fear of crashing etc etc etc. I’ve never really thought that I was that afraid of death, and I still stand by that. But maybe this latest addition to the list of “things I obsess and overthink about” is related back to that. Maybe it’s less, “I am afraid of dying,” and more, “I am afraid of dying or losing someone or something and not having done enough.”

And I don’t know what the answer is to this. Just that I seem to be on an endless search for this unobtainable label of “enough” and there really doesn’t appear to be an end to it in sight. Well, other than the whole “someday I will die” ending. But hopefully when that comes this isn’t a search I’m still writing 1100 words about in an airport.

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2019/06/some-thoughts-i-had-while-being-sad-in-an-airport/

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